Christian Film Festival Fail

So let me get this straight. This film won the Jubilee grand prize at the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival.

This film?

This film?!

Perhaps this is why Christianity in America is dying. You strangle the life out of a faith when you turn it into a political stance.

And a hateful one at that.

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I Am A Mother

I wrote this last Mother’s Day right after the birth of my beautiful son. I would like to share it for the first time on my blog. It is even more true today……

I have been thinking a lot recently about motherhood, Mother’s Day and my own Mom. My Mother died almost 16 years ago. I was eight years old. I have been thinking about how much she has missed in my life & how much I have needed her.

I needed her there on my first day at a new school, all 7 times. To understand that a new outfit was absolutely necessary on that first day, and to help me pick out the perfect one.
I needed her there when I discovered theater. To brag to her friends that I had gotten the lead. To clap so loud I could hear from backstage.
I needed her there when it dawned on me that Levi was the “one”. To listen to my girlish hopes and to dispense motherly wisdom about love and life.
I needed her at my wedding. I needed her last minute advice. To tell me that I looked beautiful. To remember the tissues.
I needed her when I lost my first baby. And when I lost the second. To tell me I would heal & to hold me while I cried on the bathroom floor.
I needed her when I was alone for 16 months, far away from home with my husband at war. I needed her to call me the day he left, to make sure I was okay, and to call me three days later, to make sure I was getting out of bed.
I needed her when I found out I was pregnant again. To pray with me and for me. To rejoice with me when I reached 13 weeks and there was still a heartbeat.
I needed her when I went into labor. To calm my fears and tell me I could do it. To hold my son. To love him.
The thing I needed the most, though, was identity. I needed her to illustrate womanhood. To guide me into it. At each of these life moments I felt lost. I wondered if I were handling it right. I wondered if everyone was secretly laughing at me as I muddled through. They were all in the club and I was just peeking through the window.

Everything changed three months ago, though. The balance of my universe shifted when I looked at my son. At that moment my identity stopped being Motherless and became Mother. I am now the benefactor of love, advice, acceptance, and identity. I am responsible to make sure my son never feels completely alone. Because of my loss, I do not take that responsibility lightly. And as I look back on the life I have experienced, I know that it has made me stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. These traits can only aid me in guiding my own son, and for that I am thankful. So this Mother’s Day I am not just mourning, I am also celebrating. My identity has changed. I am a Mother.